It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
