He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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