Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
