Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
