It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
