my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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