She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
