My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
