I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
