i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
