please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Randomize
