I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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