is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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