She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I wish i was in the wii world.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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