if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
