Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
