i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
