this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
