Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
