We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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