I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
