Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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