we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize