Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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