Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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