don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
