i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
