That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
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