I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize