The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
