Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
