Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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