So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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