The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize