Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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