she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
