My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
