mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
