she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
