my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
