Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
