so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
