im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
