No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
