I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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