we're blogging at a bar
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
