I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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