absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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