your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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