wrigley field is MILF paradise
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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