I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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