i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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