i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize