so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
