He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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