I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I'm both gender and math confused
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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