I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
