Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
