peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize