Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
