i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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