i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
