Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
