It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize