I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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