fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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