You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
