I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
