God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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