Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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