Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I just googled if crying burns calories
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
