i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
