hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
