K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
