There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
