i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
