i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
