Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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