i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
