I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
