Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
