Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
