I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
