dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
