my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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