found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
