Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
