Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i would punch a child for taco bell
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
