Did you just see the Batmobile???
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
