the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
