thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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