Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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