i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
