She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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