Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
