I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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