your parents love me but you hate me
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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