we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize