help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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