I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
