Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
