Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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