"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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